Excerpt from Elusive Peace by Doug Noll
Segment 1: Secrets of the Peacemaking
Lorraine Esposito, our guest on this edition of
The Doug Noll Show, is no stranger to peacemaking. She is a life and fitness coach and the nationally
recognized author of The Peacemaker Parent, Solving Problems for
Today, Teaching Independence for a Lifetime. Lorraine has been
featured in broadcast, radio, print, and online media and is a public speaker regarding personal leadership
to community and school-based audiences. Her website is www.peacemakerparent.com.
Lorraine’s personal journey as a peacemaking parent began at
home with her young sons, then 6 and 8. In the process of exploring how to achieve a peaceful home, she
discovered a method that instilled responsibility and accountability within her children and fostered
peacemaking organically. She had tried different methods, including various books and counseling programs,
but nothing worked for their family. The feeling of power, control and responsibility was
Lorraine says the secret to a peaceful home is belief and trust.
Belief that the inner voice you have as a parent is actually truth. Trust in your children and that they are
all that they need to be. When we are able to believe, trust and let go, our kids begin to show their
greatness and choose wisely.
Listen to the
Segment 2: The Need for
Parents’ self-esteem is too often wrapped around their own
children. The need for perfection is layered on top of peer pressure and the hype about getting a good
education and being successful, etc. The smallest mistake triggers fear in parents, overwhelms them, and
blocks good judgment. The first step to overcoming these issues is for the parent to look at their own
environment and at themselves as individuals. Then the parent can observe what’s happening (without judgment
or criticism) and see what’s working and not working. The underlying issues become apparent when we detach
ourselves and observe with non-reactivity and non-judgment.
Segment 3: The Sacred
Lorraine started with a morning peacemaking program in her own
home. She held a meeting with her children and empowered them to make decisions. The meeting was a safe,
sacred space. When they all agreed on the rules they moved forward, but if they didn’t agree they stayed put
until they did. As a family they established 7 things to do in the morning. The boys monitored themselves
with parameters and framework and became confident all on their own without mom’s nagging. The consequences
to not getting tasks done were natural. They took personal responsibility and dealt with the
*Sacred space with equality
*Consensus decision making
*Building in accountability
Segment 4: Personal Responsibility and
Lorraine finds when parents try her peacemaking approach that
decisions that seemed difficult become easier to make. They are able to let go of things that aren’t serving
them. Parents become happier, there’s not as much fighting, there’s more acceptance and forgiveness.
Additionally, taking personal responsibility and ownership can help kids with scholastic achievement by
fostering personal motivation. Good leaders can’t command or control anybody; good leaders inspire people,
which leads to self-motivation.
Listen to the interview
Related Articles: Peacemaking and Football, Freedom to Disagree, 10 Things a Peacemaker Parent Knows
Read this and other stories by Lawyer to Peacemaker Doug
Noll at DougElusivePeace.