December 1, 2012
“Don’t do the crime, if
you can’t do the time.”
Penalties for rule breaking that naturally
Arbitrary punishments don’t teach kids how to choose
wisely. The best decisions get you closest to your desire while costing
the least. When actions link to consequences good decisions are easier
to make because you know what each action costs.
Most “crimes” committed by
our kids break more than just objective rules, they break our
trust. Being abstract, it’s hard to put a “cost” on broken trust, yet
it’s the subjective and intangible foundation that options rely
Without a shared agreement
about the role trust plays punishments don’t always seem to fit the crime.
can I go to the movies with Jill and her parents?"
tween asks to go to the movies with a friend’s family but lies about parental supervision—as in
there won’t be
understand not being allowed to go that night because the consequences obviously link to the
part is fairly simple.
But will she see the link next weekend if you
don’t trust her enough to allow her to go to a party? Without the
foundation of trust, her options are limited and that’s how her “trust-crime” comes back to
Saving-up for the
There aren’t any “steps” to
this tip, just a general idea to talk about the way options are created.
Possibilities and options are earned well in advance of an opportunity.
Want to go to the
He’ll need more than money,
Created by staying current with homework and
Created by helping the
drivers in his life when they ask.
Created each time he
keeps his word or accepts responsibility for his actions.
By helping him understand
how to create his options, you’re helping him connect his actions – past and present – to his options – present and future.
You’re no longer the “bad guy” out to rob your
child of her friends. Though she won’t thank you for saying no, at least
she won’t blame you for it – too much.
As he becomes more conscious of his actions, he
will make it possible for you to say YES to more things.
As your child recognizes the cost/benefit for her
daily actions, life around the house becomes wonderful.
You’re leading without coercion. All great leaders do it this
We promised to teach our kids how to choose
wisely. By teaching him the link between actions and opportunities, you’re
making good on that promise.
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Chime in >> What do you think?