September 23, 2012
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Debate
Bait
When you’re explaining, you’re losing
|
| What it
is |
Intentionally triggering an
emotional reaction in another person to avoid answering a question or to control the
argument. |
| Why it's
Important |
You’ll trade your
power for the bait. In seconds, a logical rational adult is reduced to a bickering
5-year old. Teachers get cyber-baited by students harassing them
to the point of tantrum and secretly capturing it all with smartphones. |
| The
Problem |
Lack of
confidence leaves you easy pickin’s.
|
|
“Mom, can I go to the
party?”
3 baiting techniques to
avoid.
|
|
Baiting
Popularity
Attack
the Messenger
Worried about gossip or harsh judgment
|
You’re being mean!
Once you’re “mean” you’re baited to defend your character.
|
|
Baiting
Rightness
Exaggerate
Need to look smartest
|
You
don’t like ANY of my friends and you NEVER let me have
fun!
You’re baited to justify your
decision and prove her wrong.
|
|
Baiting
Ego & Fear
Ignoring
You
Heavily
invested in your position and authority
|
You said,
‘No’
She said, “What’s
for dinner?”
Tricky 2-fer!
Your child baits
your ego and your fear.
"You WILL
hear me and you WILL obey me (how else can I keep you safe?)"
|
|
The
Tip
Keep your rational brain in command so you don’t
take the bait.
|
|
Step 1:
Bait-Ability
|
Consider your personal
confidence. You may still take the bait for a while, but you’ll limit the
pull.
|
|
Step 2:
Direct
Communication
|
Use concise
objective language. Replace good/bad with yes/no when possible.
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|
Step 3:
Go with Gut
|
It’s difficult to translate your “little voice” so don’t even try!
“I can’t explain why
I’m edgy about this, I just am. I know it’s frustrating, but something
doesn’t feel right so the answer has to be no.”
|
|
Step 4:
Repeat
|
Repeat these steps with love and
compassion to eliminate the struggle for power. She won’t like your answer but her faith
in you will grow. |
Benefits!
|
Security
|
She’ll feel safer knowing
you’re not easily swayed by emotions.
|
| Leadership |
Without needing to defend
your character, you demonstrate leadership.
|
| Confidence |
By acknowledging your
intuition you’re demonstrating how he can confidently make decisions based on his inner
wisdom.
|
| Influence |
Debate bait is about control and
we know that control is an illusion. |
| Promise
Kept |
We
promise to teach our kids how to think for themselves and to have the courage to do something about
it. Demonstrating your willingness to risk your popularity and ego to follow your good
judgment makes good on the promise. |
Related Articles: 10 Things a Peacemaker Parent Knows,
Your Human is Showing,
Related Tip of the Week: Mulligan, Powerful Listening
Chime in >> What do you think?
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