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Keep it Real
Keeping everything that follows real, too.
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What it is
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Telling the truth without
masking the meaning of the truth.
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Why it's
Important
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Everything after a statement
of fact will be based on the meaning of the
statement—not just the facts. Keeping it real means everything that happens after is real, too.
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The
Problem
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People don’t always
like the truth. To avoid argument, judgment, or discomfort people spin the
meaning of facts—a spin job.
Consider the complications
created and the wasted energy addressing something that doesn't exist.
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Example:
Family Dinner
The family wants to go out for
dinner, but your teenage son wants to stay home and veg. How your son answers the invitation
decides the value in your actions.
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Answer 1- The Spin Job
I don’t
feel good (stomach ache.) Go ahead without me; it’s not so bad that I need someone to take care of
me.
What
follows is pointless
It’s
frustratingly pointless to take care of a sick person who isn’t really sick
and your son gets trapped into telling more lies.
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Answer 2
– Keeping it real
I don’t want to go out
tonight. May I stay home?
What
follows has value
Because his statement is real,
everything the family does after that makes sense and has value-whether he’s allowed to stay home
or not.
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The
Tip
KISS It
Keep It Simple & Short
Experiment with simple, short, and real answers.
You'll soon see the value in a good KISS.
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Answer your
kids’ requests with two parts:
Part
1: Yes or No. Be clear right from
the start.
Part
2: The real reason for your
answer. A real answer is naturally shorter than a spin job.
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| Q:
May I stay home? |
A: No. I’m not ready to leave you home
alone.
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Part
2 - It's All About You
Answers are based on many
factors, one of which is your child's behavior, but there are other factors, too. Answers
consider your childhood
experiences, fear of criticism, social and community norms, etc.
Keep it real
Keep it about you
and cut to the chase.
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| Q: May I have a snack? |
A: No. I don’t want a mess in the
kitchen.
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 Sound
selfish? Nah, it’s real. |
| Q: May I have a snack? |
A: No. I don’t feel like getting up to make it for
you.
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 Sound
lazy? Nah, it’s real. |
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Q:
May I have a snack? |
A: Yes. Providing you clean the kitchen and can make the snack
yourself.
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Sound selfish
and lazy? Nah, it’s real . . . and besides, it's good for kids to learn
how much effort a snack can be.
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No good
reason? It’s okay; just don’t make up something. Keep it real and say it
like it is. You might find that your first answer isn’t really the best one after all.
Either way, you
still get to
decide yes or no.
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Benefits
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| Understanding |
Clear and concise leaves little room for misunderstanding.
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| Answers Evolve |
Real answers are based
on updated reality -- the situation as it is now in
real time.
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| Influence |
Hiding behind
a false
notion that everything hinges on your child’s behavior creates distrust in your
child.
Your child is completely
perfect and yet you may not let him stay home alone.
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Promise
Kept |
We promised to teach our kids
how to make good choices. By giving them a chance to practice hearing and speaking what’s real,
they’ll learn how to focus energy wisely vs. pouring energy down rabbit holes.
Good decisions are only
possible if you’re working from real
truth.
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Related Articles: The Fraud
Space, Father’s Day Complaint,
Related Tip of the Week: Debate Bait,
Chime in
>> What do you think?
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